absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
