Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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