my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
