how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Randomize