I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
