Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
