I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize