About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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