Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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