he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
