This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
