is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
