I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
