Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
