i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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