Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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