I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
