youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
