I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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