its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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