I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
