Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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