I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
