Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
