what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
