Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
