The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
