I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize