I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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