Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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