Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
