His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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