she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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