i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He kissed a someone with a penis
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
