capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We had to coat check the pizza.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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