Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
