I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize