absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
where are you?
Hypothermia
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
