And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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