Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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