I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
