i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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