guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
