You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
