i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
