I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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