Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
