So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
