I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dicks are not precious.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
