remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize