My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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