Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
