don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
