She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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