we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
