smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
