You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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