Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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