Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
