I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
