how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
