so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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