I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
