The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
