i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize